I have been planning to write this piece for a few months now, originally titled Befriending the Hole, after being notified by Hello Sunday Morning that it had been two years since I stopped the ethanol. I have learned so much more in these past years, and at the ripe age of 65 I’m learning more than ever. And now I know why it’s taken me so long to write this, because just the other day I had a revelation – a divine realization that simply landed in my open consciousness – that pulls this whole thing together, and I am so excited to share it with you!
I recall those first months, and I feel deeply for anyone who is struggling to get free. I see clearly now how, in the years, months, and days leading up to my stopping, how the simple process was obfuscated by an inner barrage of confusion further clouded by mixed societal messages and driven by an ingrained sense of false sentimentality. Now that I have gone through this process, not only with the booze, but also with smoking and to lesser degrees food cravings, social media, and “thoughtless thinking” (habitual thought), I have gotten very clear on the mechanics.
That sneaky little sensation that speaks to you as “I want a …” or “Just one…” or “I deserve…” or “It’s a celebration,” is nothing more than your own self giving voice to a feeling or sensation that, in the past, led to taking action to try to get rid of it, deaden it, or change it up. And that’s the basis of addiction: habitually changing up your brain to avoid or switch a sensation or feeling that you deemed unpleasant somewhere along the line. It’s easy to see how circular that can become when, once a substance that has been the medicine now plays a central part in increasing that same discomfort, longing, contraction, or whatever that brought you to it in the first place. But I digress.
It’s about the original discomfort before the substance came into play. Call it the Hole. Even people who might seem perfectly whole and addiction-free still have to deal with the Hole just like anybody else. I undergo occasional brief periods of depression, and that’s when the Hole gapes like a hungry maw. And it was the day after one of those low days, when I resumed my run in the sunshine after taking a 10-minute meditation halfway through, that the revelation came to me.
I’ve been eating a wonderful slow carb diet (no sugar, wheat, dairy), and when I felt depressed and the Hole was really gaping, and I was not feeding it in any way, I was able to consciously look at it. I wasn’t going to give it any sweets or drinks or drugs to relieve it, because I’m in a place now where there’s nothing left to try to fill it with. And it was by no design of my own that I stumbled upon the realization of it’s purpose!
Last year, Scott Kiloby wrote this piece: Contraction: Thank You For Arising. I Love You. You Are Welcome to Stay, that talks about it in terms of a bodily sensation linked to an urge. But that’s only part of the story. The Hole is much more than that empty feeling or contraction of discomfort, longing, or incompletion. It’s actually the portal to the higher business of the universe!
The Hole, when you allow it to be open instead of trying to close it, feed it, or avoid it, is the place from which divine inspiration and synchronicity spring! It’s a key function of the Intelligent Design of Creation! It’s where, if you allow it to be open, you’ll suddenly start to see all kinds of “coincidences” happening that assist you along the way in all of your endeavors. Things as small as, you’re thinking you need to call a particular expert to answer a question for a project you’re doing, and, Boom, he pulls up next to you in the grocery store parking lot. Or, you run into a friendly stranger in the cat food aisle, have a funny conversation about salsa, and without any talk of what I do for a living or trading of information, a few days later she’s dropping off her kid for an art class. I could go on and on about how people and situations keep appearing like assistants brought to me at the perfect moment, and how everything keeps lining up to push my life’s work forward in astoundingly surprising and big ways.
So, call me crazy, but we’ve had it wrong all along. Next time the Hole opens its infinitely huge maw where you think it’s going to swallow you up, think again. Sit with it. Open it up even bigger. Let all of the wonderful coincidences and synchronicity flow through it to you. It’s a gift from the universe.
With the holiday season upon us, don’t forget to make room in your busy schedule to take 10 minutes of silent meditation every day. When your mind makes up untrue stories about the Hole, don’t believe them. Envision it for what it is, the vast opening to the gifts of divine creation. Know that it’s there to serve you, and honor it for the awesome gift that it is.
Happy Free & Clear Holidays!